How can you tell that you're dead ?

How do you know that you're dead?

Well you realise that you're dead, or shall I say your spirit is dead:

When you don't tell the difference between a Mc Donald's fish burger and a Quick's fish burger (both are yucky but the Quick's one is really really really yucky)

When you go to buy groceries, all you manage to buy is "Pepsi Max" (french version of diet pepsi), chocolate, frozen food (cause you don't feel like "kitchenizing") in brief crapy junk food and you forget about meat, vegetables, food and milk.

When you don't notice that your ass is getting bigger, but you think the dryer machine messed up your jeans and you decide to buy a one size bigger jeans (only one size bigger cause if you need a 2 size bigger one then there's no hope for you in reincarnation, you're already either in heaven or hell)

When you decide to buy a one size bigger jeans, you buy it on the internet no matter what and even though you know that in order to buy a good jeans, you usually try all the jeans on earth....but you don't care, just put the credit card number and the jeans will be yours.

When you force yourself to call your best friend after two months of abstinence and when she asks you "what's new?", you answer "nothing, the usual stuff"....

When you don't care to find out who sent you those lovely flowers one week ago.

When this guy you appreciate tells you nice stuff and you reply back with a forced smile and the look that says "Why don't you go bother somone else!"

When you go shopping and all you bring back is a "zara" white shirt small, don't even bother to try it cause you already have 4 or 5.

When you listen to "Cherie Fm" all day long and even worse, you sing with Pascal Obispo "Rosaaaaaaaaaaaa" (chanson merdique) and you don't notice that they played "Last christmas" 10 times in one hour and you don't put off the radio when you hear James Blunt nagging!

When you don't tell the difference between Coffee and Nescafe...

When you don't care if your friend coming from Leb has gotten you 2 bags of 0 fat marmallows and "Red HALLS" (beleive it or not, in a city as huge as Paris you can't find 0 fat marmallows and by the way "coffee mate" also).

When you don't laugh at this silly joke Stigz always tell about "this guy who went to the anticary shop and asked the owner if he has something new" .....

When you stop taking your camera everywhere you go.

When you start thinking that you're getting old and you make the inventory of the past 5 years and start a "remise en cause" of the decisions you took.

When you're convinced that everything happens for a reason and you doubt every single detail and you start asking those silly questions "How, when, where, what" about fate, luck and destiny.

When you stop wearing your favourite perfume.

When you forget that "Flow gently sweet afton" (Phil Coulter) could cheer you up whatever the reasons making you feel down are and that "Coultergeist" makes you dream......

When you go to have a drink with your friends (they treated you by all sorts of names because you decided to stay home on a saturday night) you tell the barman "Bring me whatever...a Mojito or a Vodka....." eventhough you hate vodka and Mojito is your favourite drink.

When you don't enjoy the best strawberry milkshake you used to at the end of the day.

When you read "Le diable s'habille en Prada" till the end without getting bored and this Dan Brown book, "Deception Point" traine sur l'etagere depuis un mois et tu n'as meme pas lu la preface.

When you enjoy eating "zaatar" in a "baguette" and not in lebanese bread that you can easily get from the shop around the corner.

When it's been 2 months that you're thinking that you shall play tennis again, jog again, go to the gym again and swim again (cause your back is hurting) but then again another week is over and you're just thinking again!

When you're comfortable with your lack of energy and passive numbness.

When you're deliberately letting go of your spontaneity, sense of humour and your enthusiasm to tell out loud everything funny and exciting that happened to me you or the ability to enjoy something funny, exciting and spontaneous.

When you're mutating to become your "biggest fears": raleuse, emmerdeuse, entrepreneuse, paresseuse, bosseuse, douteuse (de tout et de tous), peureuse...

And last but not least, when you're awake at 2 o'clock after midnight trying to find out if you're dead or not just because you got the "wake up call".........."what the hell happened to you, you haven't called for the past two months and now that you managed to have time, you're telling me nothing excited happened to you...am I really hearing "machi mhem,the usual stuff"!!..either you're making fun of me or you're a dead zombie par hasard, really krys, are you mentally dead?